When students tell me that they are excited to go home and
see their families but are also sad to leave Boston, I tell them the word
they’re looking for is “bittersweet”. It always feels that way once someone has
built roots in a single place and then up and moves away or in the case of my
students, moves back to their country or on to another country.
This is how I felt when embarking on my new adventure. Since
returning from South Korea in 2008, I felt as though I belonged overseas but I
gave it my best effort and remained within the United States. I felt as though
I owed it to my family and friends to try and stay put within my country and
make my life there. Several members of my family had even made it clear that
they hoped I had gotten this adventure ‘out of my system’ and that I was now
ready to stay home and build my life. At 28 years old at the time, that
statement infuriated me. It still does. I don’t believe anyone should get
traveling or new adventures ‘out of their system’ because meeting new people
and cultures is what opens our minds and expands our way of how we see
ourselves and the people within the world.
For several of my friends, it was a slow and tedious process
picking up where we had left off. Many of them didn’t understand my life
choices and couldn’t fathom why I would want to leave this beautiful and
wondrous country. In fact, I would begin sharing stories about living abroad
and after a minute or two, I would see their eyes start to glaze over and the
interest begin to wane before they would change the subject. It took me a long
time to realize that they couldn’t comprehend what I had experienced because
they had nothing to compare it to. Sure it seemed fascinating to try a new
food, or figure out how to give directions to a taxi driver in another
language, but when it came right down to it, the idea was better on television
than it was in reality. Plus, no matter how much I talked about what I had
done, they couldn’t understand it because it was too different from what they
knew.
Not wanting to give up the dream of moving back abroad
however, I looked at positions overseas and even accepted a position to teach
at a prestigious British school in China, but at the last minute turned it down
due to pressure to stay within the United States. I could not fully blame my
decision on my family as much of the pressure came from myself. I felt guilty
at leaving my family again and trying to make a new life abroad in another
country. I also felt guilty at leaving my friends behind and wondered what
would happen to my friendships if I did indeed leave the country once again.
The contract had been for two years and having turned it down, I burnt that
bridge. I had never burned a contact before and felt worse about that than I
did about my decision to turn it down. It has bothered me ever since.
------------------------
As drive and fate would have it, I stayed within the world
of English as a Second Language (ESL) and had the privilege to teach high
school, university and working professionals. Being surrounded by different
languages and cultures helped maintain my sanity. Even though I was living
within the U.S., I was working with an international population on a daily
basis. Eventually, I moved into Boston from Northborough and was able to
further surround myself with this diverse culture and plethora of activities
that I had grown to enjoy. In the process of improving my craft as an educator,
I was coming to the realization that this was the path I wanted to maintain. I
was a career ESL teacher within the adult education and university milieu and I
wanted to stay there. Of course I would keep the idea of teaching high school
on the backburner in the case that this path didn’t work out, but I was finally
discovering my niche. I was also making a new group of friends; people who had
also taught and traveled the world. From these people, I met others who I later
helped obtain positions within language schools around the city. I had an
amazing apartment in a house just north of Boston and had even reconnected with
friends from my past. I was finally enjoying my life and putting down roots; it
just took five years.
I was also beginning to shop at local farmer’s markets and
stores that sold products bought from fairly traded locations around the world.
I was eating healthier, walking more and ridding myself of negative past
relationships and obstacles in my life. After it was all said and done, I was
happier, but I still longed to travel abroad. Plus, for those who knew me, I
couldn’t stop talking about all the places I wanted to visit.
Just for kicks, a close male friend and I had begun applying
to jobs abroad. The original idea was for both of us to obtain positions within
the same school. We were both excited at the prospect of moving together as we
not only would be traveling with someone we knew but we would be enjoying all
sorts of new adventures together. This however, eventually fell apart when I
was offered a position with a university in Thailand and he was not. It was a
serious blow to our plans. Ultimately however, I think his direction to pursue
his love of writing, was the best course of action. I strongly believe that not
long from now, I will walk into a bookstore and be able to pick up a collection
of short stories, written by him.
In the meantime however, I had to make a decision about this
new offer to teach in Thailand. I prayed about it and after some time, knew it was the right decision. God wanted me to move
abroad.
The downright reality however, was much more difficult, as I
had spent the last five years establishing my life in Boston. It was
bittersweet knowing that I was finally pursuing my dream to live abroad again
but was also sad that I was leaving everything and everyone I knew, behind. In
essence, it was bittersweet.
However, knowing that there is social media such as Facebook
and Skype, I reminded myself that I could still connect with people; it would
just be via a computer or phone screen. I also felt confident that this time I
wouldn’t lose touch with my friends because those I had met also shared my love
for travel and adventure and knew exactly where I was coming from. Therefore,
it wasn’t a bittersweet ending; it’s a new beginning.
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